


afterwards

by nausicaa_of_phaeacia



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional, F/M, Post-Framework, mention of Mack/Elena, mention of canon character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 19:53:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10771287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nausicaa_of_phaeacia/pseuds/nausicaa_of_phaeacia
Summary: "I'll miss you."





	afterwards

**Author's Note:**

> So I've succeeded at making myself a little emotional writing this. I don't even know. I really hope the show isn't going to take a wrong turn.  
> I also kind of want to write another chapter to this but probably won't dare to because interrupting my stories never turns out well.

They‘re all set, ready to jump, ready to change worlds, and Jemma tells them they‘ve got about one minute left as she sets the countdown. The adrenaline and the anticipation have done a pretty good job at making things really intense for the past few hours, and Daisy doesn’t feel quite herself, doesn’t feel quite real as she tells him, "I’ll miss you." Coulson, history teacher Coulson, looks at her like he doesn’t remember but he does understand, and it’s probably enough. It’s probably enough because he smiles at her, even if he can’t say he’ll be missing her, too, because neither of them knows what’s going to happen, and it wouldn’t be a fair promise to make. Just before the countdown hits zero, she grabs his hand. It feels warm.

***

Re-entering their bodies feels like they’ve just taken a massive hit over the head, and thank God Daisy’s got her powers, because otherwise, they’d still be strapped onto this machine vertically, head held back by the device. And otherwise, they might just get killed, because obviously, HYDRA knew they were going to return, and the place is packed with enemies and friends. When it’s done, when they’ve counted losses on both sides and Daisy’s wrists are pounding with pain, she turns back to look at the machine, gives herself a minute to just stand with the empty molds, and she feels tears well up in her eyes, but she’s not going to cry, because she knows it’s no use, because she knows they died on the other side, there’s no use wishing for them to come back.

"I’m sorry," Coulson says, and there’s no telling how much he remembers or how much he’s been told in the meantime, but he gets it, that is the goddamn thing about Coulson, and it’s what makes her cry, his hug makes her cry. She lets herself sob into his shoulder, and from the corner of her eye, she sees Jemma almost enter the room, then decide against it and walk away. It feels like nobody else could ever understand what they went through, like they are the only people on the planet who _know_. It’s odd, but being held by Coulson makes her feel like it takes away some of the pain, simply because he’s making her share it, even though he might not have the complete overview of what exactly happened in the Framework. She’s still sobbing, letting him hug her, but in this moment, she knows they are going to get through this memory. Somehow.

***

It’s not as easy as she would have thought it to be, and the memory, the burden of _knowing_ takes its toll on her. She wonders if it’s easier for Jemma, but it’s not really possible to tell since she’s been throwing herself into science, stepping back from all of her major responsibilities to teach younger S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, and she thinks, maybe that’s Jemma’s version of peace. Coulson has been getting … sad, at first, and much more quiet, and she suspects he feels guilty for not being there during the whole thing, not in his usual capacity, at least, even if he was of tremendous help throughout, and even if he’s made her smile at the things she always used to smile at when it comes to him, no matter which universe. With Mace gone, though, he’s been speaking up a lot, and it looks like he might become Director once again. 

Some nights, she feels like it would just be so easy to sneak out and walk away, to just leave everything behind no questions asked, and she really wants to do it but doesn’t allow herself to turn her back again. It’s making her restless, and torn between loyalty and peace, so she grabs her bag and tiptoes out of her bunk, goes to sit in the hangar, because that feels a little more like you’re sitting under the night sky. Incidentally, she finds Coulson there, sitting on his floor with his back against Lola’s passenger door, knees pulled up, mug in hand. There’s no denying he looks really lonely.

"Hey," she says, carefully, because she’s pretty sure he hasn’t heard her coming.  
He smiles a little. "Hey."  
"How are you holding up?," she asks as she sits down beside him, more small talk than question, because the worrying and overthinking has left a few marks on his forehead, and colour under his tired eyes.  
"I’m okay," he says, "I guess. Still haven’t quite wrapped my head around this."  
"Me neither," she offers, briefly touching his shoulder. "How’s Mack?," she says.  
"Not too well," he replies, "but Elena is doing a wonderful job at offering comfort. She’s exactly what he needs." Daisy nods, because that was obvious before all of this, too.

"And you?," he asks, like he really doesn’t want to push, but he really worries about her.  
She sighs. "I’ve had worse, I guess," she says, "but I think I really need some time to myself."  
"As long as you need," he says, "just tell me when you’re ready. S.H.I.E.L.D. needs to be built back up. Again," he chuckles.  
It makes her want to cry, and in the brief moment in which she’s unable to find the right words, he understands. That she isn’t talking about a few days off.  
She can hear him swallow.  
"When are you leaving?," he says, and his voice is almost not there.  
It’s the first time she really looks at him, and the way their eyes meet really makes her want to reconsider, but she can’t. She needs some air, some space that’s not filled with memories of memories.

"I don’t know," she says, and her words are trembling as much as her shoulders. "Tonight."  
He seems to know she’s trying really hard not to cry, so he tries to keep his reaction as simple as possible. He puts his arm around her shoulders, tells her it’s okay. Daisy takes a deep breath, then offers, "It’s not forever," hoping it might be of some comfort, and Coulson takes her words seriously, because that’s what he always does, and it’s making this all the more painful, but all the more honest. 

She grabs her bag with one hand, because she feels like she might just drown otherwise, moves a little to stand up when Coulson grabs her hand for a moment. It feels warm.  
"I’ll miss you too," he says, voice a little hoarse.  
It makes her smile and cry at the same time. She nods, smiles at him like this is the only right thing he could ever have said. For a second, she squeezes his hand, and it’s just that second that makes her feel like there’s more to this, like this isn’t just a goodbye between friends, like maybe this is something else.  
"See you," she manages as she finally stands up. Before she walks towards the door, her bag on her shoulder, she turns back to nod at him, for reassurance, like it’s a guarantee she’ll return some time. He smiles at her like he doesn’t need proof.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading. <3


End file.
